At Arm's Length
by Dye-my-hands-violet
Summary: Halfway through senior year, Casey is conflicted with her deepening feelings for Noel, but continues pushing him away as she did before because she feels she's ruined it and they will never see each other after high school. Things dramatically change when
1. Prologue

**Author's Note ****à **This is my first LWD non-dasey fic. Dasey is still my OTP despite the terrible person Casey has become, but that doesn't mean I don't love other ships as well. I hope you guys still enjoy this fic. It will essentially be a Nasey. I'm not sure if I will have Truman in it or not, but if he is in it I will not be portraying him in a positive light at all. Sorry to any Truman lovers. This being the first chapter, the beginning of another chapter fic, let me know what you guys think! :D Much love as always! :D

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The timing was never right. She was either with someone or trying to work through something personal. Casey didn't understand why she always kept him at bay, always at an arms' distance but never near enough to hear her heart beat. Yet she was still attracted. She didn't have a reason in all the world to convince herself that she should never be with him. Still she deterred his feelings for her away, never letting him know how fast her heart beat when he smiled.

Noel, Emily and Casey had spent the past months hanging out as a group. For the longest time it had just been her and Emily, so at first the addition was a bit awkward. Not only because he was male, but because the conversations became more complex in a group. No longer a one-on-one type of scenario. They however managed, especially because they all had quite a bit in common.

After the play that Noel dared to try out for, he learned of his inner love for art and literature, a love that Casey had always had. Emily and Noel both enjoyed observing people and dissecting the core of their minds and what makes people tick. He often spoke to them as any other girl would, not about girly things, but as calmly as any other girl. Guys in general always seemed so secretive, but he flipped open his mind to them. Casey was startled the first time, but it had become so natural that she barely even noticed anymore.

Senior year had already begun and they were gearing up for university next year. Going their separate ways was uneasy for Casey but she pushed the thought into the back of her mind. She also pushed back any hope for them to ever be together. Not because she had already foolishly turned him down multiple times, but because after high school, the chances of ever seeing him again were slim despite their growing friendship.

A tear fell from Casey's eye and she signed her name in her journal. It was the mark of the ending of a thought, and the name placed only to signify who owned that thought. As though anyone else would try to steal her thoughts from her. She laughed to herself and crawled into bed.

Tomorrow would be Sunday and Emily, Noel and Casey would be going to the library for a while to study. There was no studying at any of their houses. Especially at Casey's. No need to mention why.

She smiled at the prospect of seeing Noel. Perhaps she mostly kept him at bay because the desire was so much more enjoyable than the pain of a potential ending to an imaginary relationship.

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Let me know what you guys think! :D It's short I know, but hey…I've got me college and work and ugh. I just HAD to write it. You know…Inspiration and all that jazz. :D


	2. Jenna?

**Author's Note****à **Okay. I've had some time to think of exactly where I want to go with this. It's my first Nasey, and the first fic that I did LWD without it being Dasey. I admit I am still tempted to write a Dasey but I am forcing myself to do this because I AM inspired to do it, but I also need to expand my mind so I open new doors to creativity! Enjoy the chapter!

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Casey woke up at 9:36 in the morning. After taking a shower and getting dressed she headed to Emily's house. Noel wasn't there yet, and her house was the designated meeting place.

Emily sat down on the couch and Casey sat in the chair across from her.

"Did you want to start with literature first or biology?" Emily asked. Casey smiled because she was such a study freak that they put her in charge of organizing their study plans.

"Well, I was thinking that we would go with literature first, but I decided on biology first so that when we are studying up on literature we can make biological references." Emily raised an eyebrow.

"And what would biology have anything to do with literature?" Casey gave a short laugh that caused Emily to cross her arms.

"Well, a female writer is going to be different than a male writer, because women think with their right brains more often than not, while males think with their left. The right brain is center to creativity, literature, and emotional understanding while the left brain is center to math skills, organization and logical understanding." Emily's eyes were widened. Casey remained silent for a moment.

"That sounds more psychological than biological Casey."

"Yes, well, without biology you wouldn't have psychology now would you. And then you would never understand how humans could create elaborate stories with characters that will never be real no matter how real and possible their fictional lives are." There was a knock on the door and Emily jumped up and let Noel in the door, she was obviously glad that there was a break in the conversation.

"Hey Casey, Emily. You guys ready to walk to the library?" Casey stood up and shook her head yes.

They all headed out the door, Emily called out goodbye to her parents upstairs. After they called a goodbye back, she shut the door and they all headed to the left.

"So Noel, how's your weekend so far?" Emily asked. He looked down and smiled.

"Interesting actually. I met this girl. She just moved in next door. Her name is Jenna. She's in the grade below us, but she her mother put her in school a year late, so she's our age. I invited her to eat with us tomorrow at school." Noel's face was trying to contain its own happiness. Casey felt her stomach slightly twinge.

"So, what is this Jenna like? Did you guys get a chance to talk much?" Casey asked uncertainly.

"We actually hit it off. She used to live in America, down by a beach and she was telling me about how beautiful the ocean was and it reminded me of a book that I had read. Then we starting talking about books and theater, soon we were talking about the places we wanted to see and the things we wanted to do. Jenna is very passionate about the things that she loves." Noel could no longer contain his smile, and the grin that he was using was so goofy that Casey knew that he was interested in this girl.

"I can't wait to meet her! I've never been to the US so I'd love to ask her how it was like living there." Emily commented.

The library wasn't too far from Emily and Casey's house, and soon they rounded the corner and the large brick building with 'COMMUNITY LIBRARY' in bronzed lettering came into sight.

They entered the library and found a place to sit. Emily and Casey sat at a circle table next to each other and Noel sat at the same table across from them.

"Casey, what are we studying first?" Noel asked. His eyes looking at her kind of hurt. In some way she felt betrayed by his obvious interest in another girl, though she couldn't blame him. It wasn't like she owned him.

"Biology." She said softly. Emily looked down, Casey had long since told her about how she felt for Noel. Oddly enough, he seemed oblivious to it all and reached into his backpack and grabbed the biology book from their third period. It was the only class they all had together.

After studying for about four hours, moving past biology, literature and math, they closed their social studies book, Noel and Emily let out a sigh of relief, while Casey felt refreshed.

"I will never understand why you love doing this so much, but it's the only thing that gets me to do it." Emily said almost breathlessly. Noel laughed.

"I agree."

"Oh you guys, studying IS fun, it's all about your point of view. If you have a negative view then _of course_ you are going to have a terrible time doing it. But on the other hand if you have a positive outlook then you will be able to open your mind to all the positive outcomes of whatever it is that you are doing!" Casey exclaimed gleefully.

"Well, it's almost two o' clock, I'm starving. I'll see you guys later, alright?"

"Okay Noel, we'll see you tomorrow at school." Emily said sweetly.

"Oh, and Casey?" Noel looked to Casey.

"Hmm? Yeah?" She looked to Noel.

"You will like Jenna. You guys are a lot alike." He smiled and left the library. A small pinch of jealousy got into and she looked away from his retreating figure.

"I don't get it Emily. What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I just…you know!?"

"Casey…after Truman cheating on you, and Max dumping you just because you needed to figure out some things, I'd say not jumping into the relationship with Noel was the best possible thing you could do." She looked at Casey with worried eyes.

"Maybe you're right Em. But what if he-"

"Don't worry about it. He's still your friend. Nothing any girl he dates does will change that fact. It's obvious that he still likes you. He practically spelled it out for you when he said that Jenna is like you." Casey thought for a moment and then groaned.

"I hope you are right. I don't want to regret my…well it wasn't a decision…I guess a fear…I don't know." She looked down. "I'm going to head home too, I need to do some thinking. You coming?"

"No, I think I'll go to Brandon's house. He should be back from practice about now."

"Okay. I'll see you later or tomorrow, or whenever." Casey waved goodbye and exited the library. The air was cold and stiff, and it tasted vexatious upon her tongue. She licked her lips and headed to her home, all the while thinking on the 'could have been's' of yesterdays crushes.


	3. Bruised Oranges

**Author's Note****à **You know, of the fics that I have written, I have found that giving Casey a journal to write in made writing the fic much easier. It's apparent in the show that she does write in a journal…but sometimes I feel a little cheezy. Probably because, try as I might, I fail miserably at writing in a journal. Writing about other people's lives, or lives of those who never existed seemed so much more interesting than my own. Enjoy the chapter!

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The sound of her feet hitting the ground numbed her thoughts. Surprisingly, the silence in the moment was more comfort than she had expected. Perhaps that was how Derek's brain felt all the time, and she could understand how one would avoid thinking at any cost just to feel the numbness. It wasn't that she was depressed about this new girl, perhaps she was just being dramatic.

I mean, it wasn't like Noel said they were dating. After all he did just meet Jenna. Things don't happen that fast do they? Besides, he was friends with her and Emily and he wasn't dating either one of them.

Though, on her part at least, that wasn't necessarily because he hadn't wanted to.

Casey walked into her house and walked past Derek upstairs. He made some lame comment, and even though she didn't hear a word he said, she turned her head and sneered as she walked up the stairs.

She shut her bedroom door behind her and walked over to her window and opened it. In the crevice to the right was enough space to hide her journal. Casey sat on the little chair she had placed by her window, grabbed a pen, and began to write.

_Dear Journal, _

_Noel met a girl and he says that I will like her because we are a lot alike. I can't imagine how someone could be so much like another person. I've met others with similar qualities, but no one like me. I feel a little replaced. _

_Oh well. I am going to take a deep breath and leave it alone. The time will come and when it does, I will know. I will feel it deep inside of me, an explosion of emotion and sense of immense purpose. Right now it's just jealousy. _

_Besides, after spending so much time getting my heartbroken, I think I should just sit back and enjoy being myself. Being defined by the man I am with is so tiring. I've almost forgotten myself and I already sense myself falling into that pattern with Noel. But I know him._

_I know him well enough to know that he would never want that for me. Never._

Casey smiled to herself.

_Manless I will remain. I mean, I can find something else to think about right? Something to crave?_

She frowned. A small knock on her door made her slowly shut her window and close her diary.

"Come in." Casey called to the person on the other side of the door. Her sister Lizzie walked in and shut the door behind her. "Hey Lizzie, how've you been today?"

"Oh, fine I guess." Casey nodded and smiled. She was waiting expectantly, assuming that Lizzie had come in for some particular reason. "How was yours?" Lizzie asked uncomfortably.

"Well, I went to the library right after I woke up to hang with Noel and Emily." Casey looked down. "Noel met this new girl Jenna that he wants Emily and I to meet tomorrow at school."

"And, you're okay with this new girl?" Lizzie sat down on Casey's bed and looked at her. She knew of Casey's affections, and also knew how Casey got over the guys that she liked. Though she never understood why Casey went back to that scum of a guy Truman.

"Yes. I mean, don't you get the feeling like I am jumping from guy to guy?" Lizzie scoffed and nodded her head. "Thanks for the honesty." Her little sister shrugged.

"I guess it's just in my nature."

"Yeah, well, I wish it could also be in my nature. Part of me wishes I could tell him before he and this Jenna character hook up."

"You haven't even met her, how do you know that they will?" Casey looked hard at Lizzie.

"I don't know, I just…I just get that feeling. In your gut, type feeling." Lizzie nodded in understanding. "Anyways, did you need something? Or did you just want to talk." Lizzie looked as though she really wanted to say something, then decided against it. After a moment she shifted awkwardly on Casey's bed, then looked like she really was about to say it this time. Again, deciding against it.

"I kind of wanted to say something, but…I just don't have the words at the moment." Casey was about to say something but Lizzie finished off. "I'll try again later. See you Casey, maybe around dinner time." She got up and left her room before Casey said anything.

"Hmm…." Casey pondered to herself about what Lizzie could have possibly had to say, ask or do that would cause her to come to Casey. All she wanted to say was that Lizzie could of course tell her anything. She reopened the window and reopened her diary.

_In any case, if it was meant to be then it probably will be, but granted free will and all…who knows. I can't blame him if he's moving on. I know that I wouldn't want to wallow in self pity over people I loved who didn't love me back._

Casey felt like she was mocking herself. It was true irony.

_Till next time, _

_Casey._

She closed her diary and slipped it into the crevice and shut the window. The flowers looked lovely.

The next morning she dragged herself out of bed. Night time left her with countless negative thoughts to haunt her dreams, making her toss and turn to exhaustion. A healthy breakfast was in order and she went straight down in her pajamas.

"Casey, don't you think you could be a little more decent?" Derek said in a disgusted tone.

"Derek, I can't count on my ten fingers and ten toes how many times you have walked down in your pajamas, in your boxers, and in just a robe. I don't want to hear it." He furrowed his brows as that wasn't her normal way of bantering and bickering. Coming to the conclusion it wouldn't go anywhere fun, he left it alone and poured himself some cereal. Edwin reached into the fridge and pulled out an orange.

"Could you get me an orange Edwin." Casey sighed, sitting down onto the stool. Edwin tossed her an orange and it hit her in the arm and dropped to the floor. She looked at the bruised orange on the floor then glared up at Edwin. "What is wrong with you?!"

"I thought you were looking." He shrugged it off and went back to doing his own thing. Casey gave an aggravated sigh and picked up the orange. No point in letting it go to waste. It was just the skin that touched the floor. She washed it off in the sink, peeled it and ate the orange's innards.

The rest of her breakfast would have to come at school, where she would be in the cafeteria, avoiding Noel and Emily as they would never have breakfast in the school cafeteria. Though it wasn't that she wanted to avoid them in particular, just the person that she and Emily were supposed to meet.

"Bye." Casey walked up to her room, after dismissed herself from the kitchen, got dressed, grabbed her things, and headed to school.


End file.
